hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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