Your mouth is God's brothel.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
