someone threw a dead crab at me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
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