Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
