He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
