Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I believe in your delicious
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
