Sry I called you an 8
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
