She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
