You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
