i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
