Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
