There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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