mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
