i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
