the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
