How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
