my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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