You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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