your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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