I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
