Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
