Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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