We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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