we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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