Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So much Jack, so little girl.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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