i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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