Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
