if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize