If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
