guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
