Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
