i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
