I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
