meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
