Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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