Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
