If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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