4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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