am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
