So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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