it hurts more in the daytime
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
