I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
