Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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