I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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