He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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