so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
