it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize