i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
