Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
