the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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