STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
