so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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