u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize