I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize