You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
