If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
