Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
