i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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