yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
