Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
