i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
